Tusi or tu? How respect works in Punjabi
Punjabi has two words for "you." ਤੁਸੀਂ (tusi) is for people you respect. ਤੂੰ (tu) is for people you are close to, or younger than you. Grammar mistakes get forgiven. Calling your nani "tu" gets remembered.
Who gets tusi, who gets tu
Use tusi for anyone older than you: parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, in-laws, teachers, the man at the gurdwara langar. Use it for strangers of any age. Tusi is also the plural, so it is what you say to a group.
Use tu for younger siblings and cousins, kids, and friends your own age. Plenty of people say tu to their mother and tusi to their father, and nobody thinks twice about it. Tu is also how Gurbani speaks to God: ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਪਿਤਾ ਤੂੰਹੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਾਤਾ, "You are my father, you are my mother." There, tu means closeness.
If you are not sure, say tusi. Too much respect sounds polite. Too little sounds rude.
In Shahmukhi the two words are تسی and توں.
The verb changes too
Switching the pronoun is not enough. The verb has to match it, and this is where learners slip.
- How are you? ਤੁਸੀਂ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਹੋ? (tusi kiven ho?) / ਤੂੰ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਹੈਂ? (tu kiven hain?)
- Sit. ਬੈਠੋ (baitho) / ਬੈਠ (baith)
- Come. ਆਓ (aao) / ਆ (aa)
- Eat. ਖਾਓ (khao) / ਖਾ (kha)
- Your. ਤੁਹਾਡਾ (tuhada) / ਤੇਰਾ (tera)
- To you. ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ (tuhanu) / ਤੈਨੂੰ (tainu)
"Tusi baith" is half polite and half not, and it sounds wrong to anyone who grew up with the language. Saying "baith" to your dadi is an order. "Baitho ji" is an invitation.
The same goes for the other words. "Tera ghar" (your house) is fine with a friend. With your friend's father it is "tuhada ghar."
Talking about elders, not just to them
Respect carries over when the elder is not in the room. You talk about one grandparent with a plural verb, as if they were several people. ਦਾਦਾ ਜੀ ਆ ਗਏ ਹਨ (dada ji aa gaye han), "Dada ji has arrived." Saying ਦਾਦਾ ਜੀ ਆ ਗਿਆ (dada ji aa gaya) uses the form you would use for a kid or a friend, and it sounds like you are talking about your little brother.
Heritage speakers trip on this one a lot. They use tusi to their grandparents' faces, and then they tell a cousin "dada ji kehnda si" instead of "dada ji kehnde si."
Where ji goes
ਜੀ (ji) goes after almost anything to add respect. After names and relations: mummy ji, papa ji, bhaji (older brother), Harpreet ji. After yes and no: ਹਾਂ ਜੀ (haan ji), ਨਹੀਂ ਜੀ (nahin ji). After a request: baitho ji, khao ji.
Ji on its own is also an answer. When an elder calls your name from another room, you say "ji?" It means "yes, I'm here, what do you need?" Answering "what?" in English is the version that gets you a look.
You will also hear ਆਪ (aap), the Hindi-style polite "you." In Punjabi it shows up in speeches, news, and formal letters. At home, tusi does the job.
More on the words families use: Punjabi family words · Punjabi greetings · you understand Punjabi but can't speak it
Say it right the first time. Ladoo lessons teach tusi and tu with the verbs that go with them, and speaking practice grades every word you say. Free to start on iPhone and Android.